Utuh Paloi Banjar Blog

 

Congratulations Datuk Seri Zahid Hamidi for inserting another character into the ‘wayang kulit’ saga. ‘Syabas’ Dato’ Seri Hishamuddin for improvising a pair of punching bags in the ’shadow boxing’ arena.

 

The prosecutors and the judiciary have to queue in line before you get my compliments.

 

After tedious investigations, the two ministries, Defence and Home have finally succeeded in dragging ‘two little Indians’ to mask (or is it expose) the weaknesses of our armed forces. If I were the Prime Minister, I will refrain from prosecuting the two ‘thieves’ but instead accord them ‘Bumiputera’ status and enlist both into UMNO. Appoint them as senators and then Minister of Trade and Minister of Tourism.

 

You may think that I am nuts to suggest rewarding criminals. You think so? No, I am not. It is simply a solemn reminder of the culture deeply ingrained, and widely practiced by the existing Government. If the law is applied equally irrespective of creed, colour and positions, many politicians, be it past or present would have had experience of life behind bars.

 

The ‘two little Indians’ are very ingenious people. They are smarter than the Colonels and the Generals and way smarter than their immediate superiors. While the officers are deeply engrossed in improving their handicaps in the golf courses, or looking into mirrors adjusting the stars and crowns on their shoulders, these two are hard at work cracking their grey matter to market what is virtually scrap metal. Not only that, they have to spend days and weeks devising plans to breach the security of the RMAF depot.

 

Their achievements are inconceivable. Only a handful has the uncanny ability of turning wastes into gold. Very few rank and files can turn colonels and generals into a bunch of clowns.

 

Appointing them as Minister of Trade and Tourism is the most appropriate. The primary tasks of these two portfolios are basically sales related. Our Proton cars are marketed cheaper overseas than in our own yards. If they can sell scrap metals for RM 50 million a piece, then it’s no big deal for them to market brand new Proton cars overseas. Similarly, as Tourism Minister, he can sell Malaysia without the need to spend millions in advertisements.  

 

Let’s do a little bit of primary school arithmetic. After browsing through the internet, the cost per unit of F5E was USD 2.1 million, and that was in the eighties when the exchange rate was hovering in the region of RM 2.5 for every US Dollar. Multiply the two, we get a sum of RM 5.25 million. That was for a new unit, lock, stock and barrel.

 

Since time immemorial, I  could not recall the time when machines appreciate better than homes. All these years, I was made to understand that generally, machines depreciate at a rate of 15 percent per annum. Taking that into considerations, it is hard for me to comprehend how used aircraft can fetch higher price than new. Perhaps the engines of the F5E sold to Malaysia were made of solid gold laced with diamonds.

 

Or, the Defence Minister at that point in time must have a faulty calculator or was still using the old Chinese ‘abacus’ calculator with beads missing. Otherwise, he would have been able to compute simple arithmetic and notice the absurdity. Or would he still endorse the purchase which reportedly was around RM 8 million per unit?

 

After years of thrashings by the RMAF, the aircraft are nearing the end of their air worthiness. By now, the F5E – airframes and engines – would have depreciated to a level not much higher than scrap metal or at most can only fetch a fraction of the purchase price.

 

To trade the engines which may not be in working condition require a lot of persuasions. Ordinary salesman can only cart them away to scrap metal dealers. The ability of the ‘two super salesmen’ to dispose at a price close to ten times higher than when it was new is simply amazing.

 

What will be the verdict? Will they be found guilty similar to the two infamous ‘ikan bilis’ in the Altantuya murder trial without implicating other characters? Or will the Judge order the two ‘genius’ to surrender the proceeds from the sales amounting to RM 50 million each?

 

Whatever the outcome, it is hard to believe that a lone figure, and only a sergeant has so much authority and single-handedly load the engines onto truck(s), and turned the whole RMAF into jokers and clowns. But then, this is a country of ‘impossible is nothing’.

 

Or perhaps, he has the DNA of David Copperfield that can make the Statue of Liberty and the Great Wall of China disappear from sight.

 

Related posts:

1. Wayang Kulit goes on and on
2. Antara TUDM & TLDM
3. Muhammad Ali - a Malaysian perspective
4. Our air space is sacred
5. Muhammad Ali as Cassius Clay

This entry was posted on Thursday, January 7th, 2010 at 6:57 am and is filed under ENGLISH, reflections. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.